The Faults of Imperfection

At times, striving for perfection seems like the simpler path, while embracing imperfection poses the true challenge. Pursuing perfection can feel reassuring, offering a promise of happiness and success. Over the past year, I've discovered much about my own strength and resilience, realizing that even the strongest among us can feel lost and overwhelmed. Despite following all the rules and aiming for perfection, I found it wasn't enough to keep me steady amidst life's turbulence. This has led me to question: how do we learn to accept our imperfections in a world that often demands perfection?

Consider my decision about Lincoln's schooling. I envisioned homeschooling him, fostering his curiosity in a nurturing environment I created. I truly wanted that and invested my heart into it. However, after months of struggling with my mental health, particularly depression, I had to confront a difficult truth: my well-intentioned plan to homeschool wasn't the best choice for our family. It was a wake-up call that forced me to face my stubbornness and the repercussions of my decisions. To ensure Lincoln received the socialization and educational experience he needed, I made the tough decision to enroll him in preschool in Utah for a month before our move. This decision weighed heavily on me, especially with the cost and concerns about what he might have missed due to my reluctance to change. Fortunately, he's now in a wonderful Montessori program here in Missouri, and I couldn't be happier for him. Watching his love for learning grow is a beautiful reminder of children's resilience and life's adaptability. It fills me with hope and gratitude to see all he's achieving at such a young age.

As I navigate this new chapter, I feel like I'm peeling back layers of my life, and it can be quite painful. You might say it’s a bit fragrant, but honestly, I feel "cut back" in unexpected ways. Remember my reference to the currant bush from my last post? If you missed it, I encourage you to take a look, as it relates to this journey. Now that we've been in Missouri for a few months, we’re experiencing what some out here call the "Missouri Trials." These aren't just challenges; they’re opportunities for growth, even if they feel overwhelming. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook, but I won't pretend it's easy or that I don't have moments of doubt.

We initially planned to begin construction on our dream home this March, which was truly exciting. However, switching jobs to be able to move out here put those plans on hold, and we had to "put a pin in it." This period of waiting tests my patience and faith, as I struggle with the uncertainty of what lies ahead. I'm attempting to "catch a vision" during this waiting time, but honestly, I'm unsure what that entails or how to navigate this new situation. Fortunately, we're settled in a comfortable rental home that offers stability, and I'm thankful we found an excellent school for Lincoln, which alleviates some of my concerns. Reflecting on my "onion" analogy, I realize there are many layers to uncover, each revealing its own complexities and emotions. This journey of accepting and understanding imperfection continues, and I'm learning to embrace it, layer by layer.